At A Loss For Words

Since when was it acceptable to take the life of another? People are here one day and gone the next. I am disgusted at the rate at which black people die from gunshots, drugs and the like. You know what, not even black people. Just people in general. Yes, death is just another part of life, but what if you still have living to do? Goals to accomplish? Everything stops in death :( 


I'm talking about a friend of mine who just died from being shot recently. He was around the same age as me. He worked at Home Depot (last I checked) and was planning to go back to school. I heard some stories.....but I don't think it will matter to me to know the truth. I didn't know him that well. Regardless of that fact, it's still sad to me to see someone like that on his way out of Earth and into Heaven. I thought about him all day....so I foreshadowed this week not going well....at all. 


I just need to find some optimism I suppose. And to hope for the best. A new semester awaits me. Chemistry, Algebra, Psychology and English all await me. I just have to hope for the best. I want to attend the funeral.....I hope this doesn't become another funeral I regret going to..... :( I am trying my best not to be stressed right now. But I guess I'll just deal with it. I'm just sad and tired of black men leaving the earth when they should stay around a little longer. That's all. So that's my blog for the night. I couldn't even think I could find the means to write today, but I'm glad I did at the end of the day. 

In Retrospect....Straight Off The Dome

Maybe I'll never be up on your level.
Maybe I'm still aching to scratch your limitless surface.
Maybe I'll be outwitted every time by your arrogance.
Maybe I'll jut be taunted to give up at every waking moment.


Maybe I won't be all I've dreamed to be because of you. 
This much is true: you are opposition
A representation of the odds stacked against me 
a perfect tower with no shortcut 
a facade....of my imagination


Maybe it's not as bad as I make it
Maybe I should try and focus on me 
Maybe I have yet to realize my potential
and suddenly the maybes stop.


I realize, in retrospect I have overcome much 
I have much to represent 
I have goals to meet, ambitions to inspire others with
I have this life to live as well.


Maybe I'll be better than I could have ever imagined.......

The New Year is Here! ...along with some events...

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!!!!!

The new year is finally here! 2010....wow....I never thought I would be in this right frame of mind after a decade of ups, down, becoming an adult...and everyone thought the Y2K bug was gonna bite us all lol. But it's always always always important to remember the fallen, because not everyone has made it to 2010 unfortunately :( someone was here yesterday that isn't here today. :(

In retrospect, 2009 has truly been a year of transition for me. When I remember it, I started 2009 as a college freshman entering concert band. It was time to prepare for the President's Inauguration!!! I SAW THE PRESIDENT WITH MY OWN TWO EYES!! LOL it was sooo worth the cold...cuz Lord knows it was CHILLY that day!!!! But I loved every moment marching :)

 I finished the year at Hampton before they figured I was beneath them, shipping me out knowing full DAMN well there were people doing WORSE than me.......WTF............

I still don't understand why they dismissed me like that.......but I can't say I did the best I could do either...I did get sick a LOT....they didn't help much.....guess it just wasn't meant to be....to be honest they were beyond greedy and tuition is STILL steep. They would rather make sure your money is tight before.....pretty much anything else. 

After I left Hampton, a multitude of people tried to help me get back.....but my parents had other plans...and slowly they turned me away from Hampton and more realisitic options...my mind was 

going along with my parents, but my heart wanted to stay in Hampton. And as time passed I realized that I couldn't afford Hampton even if I tried. My dude Jamarr supports the claim that if you don't have the money, then maybe it ain't right to go back (not his exact words lol). 

But all is not lost. I'm trying to make a move during summer 2010. :D

Ok so I came back to CT in May since there was a shooting on campus :( I subsequently missed MEAC and graduation. Then the summer came. I went on an unforgettable cruise for the first time and it was amazing! I visited Key West, Cozumel, Mexico and Belize City. It was AMAZING! :D And I am so convinced that I just want to buy a house in Key West and just CHILLLLL for the rest of my life lol :)

So after vacation it was time for school. There was a girl who put in her status that I don't belong in a community college. Probably should've went there before Hampton. :( But I finished the year with 2 A's and 2 B's. So now I'm at 3.2 :D It took a while to get there but I made it! My birthday was sooo much fun too! [Dec. 30th-A BIG day] Ginza Japanese Cuisine, then Super Mario Bros., then Avatar! :D

And now the new year is upon us! Time to do it better than before!! Time to let go of the insecurities that have held you down since...whenever! Time to start anew :D Hope you can find it within you to do the same. Yeah :D 

Out of the Loop

I am not at the place I should be.


Such a deeper meaning behind those words...for me at this point


The friends I've made....were some of them worth keeping? And what about the bonds I've created? Did they mean nothing then? Do they mean anything now...?


Eh, I guess it just can't be helped sometimes. I feel like the loner. And sometimes I embrace that facet of me too often. You might call it being introvert. 


I'm also beginning to think I'm a damn insomniac now...smhhhhhh..I mean, it was usually 3 for my bedtime at HU, but now that I'm home you'd think my habits of that stupidity would cease, but FUCKKKKK...they haven't :( 


I just am in contemplation mode since I can't fucking sleep and lowkey...I think it has been affecting me in a negative way overall.....eh...when I wake up I'll be excited for Christmas and shit...lmaooooo =) 


...so after rereading this, I conclude that I can flip my own damn frown upside down lmao. Can you give yourself the pat on the back when it's time to? 

Good Morning!

It's 7:21 A.M. as I'm typing this. My body didn't want to fall asleep, it turns out. I'm surprised my eyes aren't bleeding to be honest =/


(sigh) I'm just glad for another day of life, health and strength. And Christmas is right around the corner. Yay. I have no plans for my birthday even though I'll probably be working...but I would always like to do something for my b-day.....on a day off....smh


It's cool tho I'm making money. Dollar dollar bills ya'll :D lol


My mind just suddenly went blank. I can see the sunrise from my window. I think I'll partake in some hot chocolate if this house holds any. I need something to warm me up since it's so freaking cold....


And now my random thought of the morning (as if the other stuff wasn't random already..lol) are you on the pursuit of happiness? Does it only come through material things? Are you longing to cling onto something more, something definition, appeal...something real?


It seems as though the intellectual are sitting back watching the stupid people falter countless times.


However, the intellectual will continuously be on the search for more knowledge.


I don't consider myself better than anyone because we ALL have faults, flaws. We also all have something that sets us apart from the crowd, whether we have discovered it or not.


But whatever you find in life worth fighting for, chase it earnestly and not lustfully. And as the events of my day start to unravel, I hope you find a moment's peace somewhere :)

Love

Love. Some people love it. Some people loathe it. Some people are lucky to find it. Some people wish it never happened to them. Nowadays people can't seem to want to keep it-too obsessed with money, clothes-material things. Lust ensues when the heart grows too fond, just bypassing over the cold feet, the first kiss, the memory of the first dinner-all that mushy stuff. Now it seems like love and lust are as interchangeable as the batteries in my remote control. Once the electric current dies, they must be replaced without hesitation or all chaos will ensue. And the cycle never ends does it? It goes subconsciously insatiate, as people are always looking for that new thrill to keep their sex lives occupied. At least, in most cases, it's not counterproductive. But PAUSE for a moment. Children are a big responsibility that it seems most people are not married-I mean, ready for those responsibilities. But how can this change? The simple answer is it won't anytime soon unfortunately......single ladies turn into single mothers, low down dirty men perfect their low down dirty ways, messing it up for not only the goal-oriented female, but the good dude calculating each move, coming correctly...or missing his opportunity to do so. Yes, this game of love is one of interest. And you better get your shit together before you play. Straight up. 

The Thanksgiving Blog

Happy Thanksgiving Everybody!!!

So...I'd like to begin this blog by saying I am thankful for today, tomorrow and yesterday. Thankful always for the stars in the sky and the sun's warmth at sunrise. It's a beautiful thing when you're with family and they fill you up with the basics (or classics) of turkey, stuffing, macaroni and cheese, cornbread, ham, greens, and the list goes ON AND ON AND ON AND ON! (and on lol) So now that it's about to conclude people focus their attention to Black Friday. OO Black Friday!! Now, I've never actually participated in Black Friday unfortunately, but tomorrow I have a valid opportunity to do so! Ain't that great? And more ungratefully, it's gonna be a mindless gigantic personal splurge once I get my hands on my paycheck lolz....or maybe not? One thing's for sure tho. It's gonna be crazy tomorrow. No doubt!! Ha. So I wish everyone a safe shopping experience!! Don't be reckless-be smart and get there early...right?