Confide

Every single time i think of what could be, it brings me to the Throne of Sorrow. There's pain every time I kneel there. So I do not think of what could be anymore. I live in the present. I focus on the NOW. So I forget the Throne of Sorrow, confiding in............the Throne of Grace.....

Continuing my Tumblr post lmao

Greener Pastures I


Dear Ron, 

You can NOT remain a skeptic on love. This will get you nowhere. Be brave and set your sights a little higher. Yeah. You know the one we’re discussing :-) 

Sincerely, Angel on the Right Shoulder

Greener Pastures II

Dear Ron,

FUCK LOVE. You know you want that bottle of spiced rum, straight. That Ciroc Coconut....that shot of Jack Daniels and shit...all in the same night too now see THAT'S what you want. Not some bitch only around for the sex. Be smart and let those bitches come to you. Yeah. That one will get her shit together soon too :-)

Sincerely, Devil on the Left Shoulder

In The End - Ending Before It Began

In the end, I'll remember the disappointment that I told myself I wouldn't carry in my heart
I'll remember the pain I felt when I told myself I couldn't love you like I wanted to
In the moments where I can't believe in human life anymore and everything falls fast to the floor
Your face passes by my consciousness and I acknowledge you as my past
I'll also remember that I was wrong all along and we never should have been
The thought lingers and burns with each passing second.


In the end I realize....


I made it easy for you to forget about me...

Simple Words I

Maybe it's my fault...I've propogated this for a while now....


So many changes are happening to me, it's taxing to even try and consider them all....


I'm going through it, that much is true....and I don't know where I'll end up..


As long as I have things to consider, I'll be good though..


....but I don't want to lose you..........

March Madness lmao :)

It's been an interesting 2011 so far. January was where it all started. We share the same birthday, so we talked a little bit. It wasn't until that January where we met up and decided we would pursue each other....if you wanna call it pursuing me...this love thing is so intricate and interesting. I let you in and wait-when this month ends, we'll be 1/4 done with the year! O_O! But anyway...we let each other in and the rest is history. Perhaps that was the first mistake. All I know now is that I.CAN'T.BE.MAD. Only at myself. For propagating this facade of happiness. I can't be mad because I am STILL single. I can't be mad because I have nothing to offer you. Just a physical shell of lustful intentions, which further means I wouldn't know love if it smacked me in the face. I can't even focus on love. I have 2 subsequent exams this week and work I need to catch up on. I have to decide whether I'm gonna keep Intro To Statistics or not. I actually have bills to pay with the little money I'm supposed to be saving. And now it's raining and I'm watching Forrest Gump contemplating my life lol. I feel like everyone's going faster than I am again...everyone's moving forward and I'm just NOT! I'm BEYOND stressed and no one will 1) listen or read this lol 2) be able to help me. I need to just deal with this on my own...where I've always been....where I end up......where I can find solace when no one's around....my emotional center....my untitled spectacle. 


When I think about love, I think about what I lack. And now, all I think about is the next time I can see you. Last night you saw me for a brief moment, and my behavior was that of a spoiled little bitch. I secretly threw up all of my emotions at you. But I couldn't be mad. I'm always emotional when I get around you FUCCKKKKKKKKKKKK. I can't..switch it off like a light switch. It'll always be there...you bring it out of me like no one else. Your ex was in the tub, drunk as FUCK. You came for him. Not for me. I.secretly.flipped.the.FUCK.out. I shouldn't have done that. I was drinking and I was deep into my feelings. I didn't even have time to mentally prepare for your arrival. And then you came, smooth chocolate through the door, whizzing past me to get to your ex. And there I was, standing by, helping you as best I could, getting your ex out of the tub. And then you left....


But of course, I can't think about it. I can't think about the way I felt, the way I might be feeling, if I'm too deep into myself to disregard everything, nope, just can't focus on anything like that. Nope. For you do not belong to me, I don't belong to you. We can never be official. How could we? I might want to be, I might say I feel more for you than I should, I might say something else just to keep you around, but it won't substitute for the GOD HONEST TRUTH! I am.......a mess........a bigger mess than I'd care to let anyone in on. But I am simply glimpsing at the surface. Still. And I cannot give this a second thought


You're like a firework....better yet a firefly, only captivating for the moment. And I am enraptured by it. 

What Do I Deserve?

-More thoughts :D :D lol


Life is the road untraveled
veiled in mystery yet beckoning every step forward
Life is progressive
yet thorny like the red rose out of concrete
forcing itself up from the ignorance of man
yes, life is the road untraveled
but it is also the road of experience
one grows tired of watching man grow, spew their grumbling hatred of their fellow man to others
then run and hide in cowardice against the burning sun of truth
one wonders........what do I deserve?
She looks at me like I've murdered her innocence
but she does not know me
all she sees is an empty shell only capable of violence
and she will tell her friends about me
I can only ask why but she says I already know why
leaving me wondering, "Is this what I deserve?"
They slap every stereotype across my face
predicting me, reading my cover but not flipping through my pages
they assume until their assumptions towers tip over
and no matter how many times I scream or try to calmly explain to THEM,
I am not what I seem 
they blatantly ignore me
Is this what I deserve?
Just what do I deserve?
All the answers? None of the answers? Partial credit on judgement? Do I deserve these scars of hatred across my arms, chest, legs, and mind? Do I deserve to speak against it? Against anything? 


And who am I not to? 

For Colored Girls.

What a very thought-provoking movie. But what I don't understand is why some people are saying that this movie is bashing black men. My first thought was that well, the movie simply isn't about black men at all. It's about the different colors in the original play that every woman has or should not have experienced, and where the women have gone from there. You can't speak for every man if you believe a good man exists, however few in number you want to believe is out there too. And what about Hill Harper's character? He didn't rape, kill, or leave a number of women disillusioned and forced to believe that this reality is their faults. So let's take the movie for what it is, not from the critics. Another part of me is saying that I wouldn't be surprised if someone walked away with an Academy Award either...Monique did it for portraying Mary Jones, and Halle before her....but I can't really fully believe that since Jennifer Hudson won for portraying Effie White. Take a closer look at what roles black actors and actresses are being awarded. Then ask yourself.....does Kimberly Elise get one? Loretta Devine? Anika Noni Rose? Thandie Newton? Ask yourself....what is the movie really about? Just some thoughts for you to ponder. 

-Ron