Grudges

A grudge, by definition, is a feeling of ill will or resentment. I wonder if I still carry this grudge. There is a guy named Courtney (go figure....a guy named Courtney...(insert chortle) lol) who I didn't like in friggin middle school. I wonder if I still carry a grudge with him. I remember he tripped me in the hallway....carrying a whole bunch of books in my hand, but I ain't fall :) Then there was this one time he pointed me out at the lunch table...and I completely DEADED him!!!! HAAAAAA. But the interesting part was when we had photography together for one semester and we worked together (side.....eye..... ) ....and yeah that's basically all I remember. But now he's long gone from my middle school...probably in college like I am. I've grown the fuck up so technically...so has he. At least that's what I'd like to believe....
but yeah with time I have forgotten his existence lol. Until I remembered him now of course....I'm not hating on him, but....I don't like him. Let THAT ride out.......

Solitude I

It's always quiet whenever I blog. It gives me peace of mind when my present is askew with decisions to make and thoughts to ravage the brain. It's almost as my thoughts wait till the last minute to want to talk with me. And these thoughts don't exactly give me the piece of mind I need to actually fall asleep. (sigh) ok. Just breathe. Things could be worse. Thank God for current stability. I'm SO glad I get to rest tomorrow...most people just don't have that luxury. It's one they should try out and never regret. Anyway, the title says Solitude so I guess I have the obligation to mention it. I love my solitude. I never get tired of being alone. I guess it's because I'm not a bonafide people person. I always find new and innovative ways to stand out from the crowd. And no, nobody pushes me to be that way. I JUST AM......and I love it! Solitude.

A poem! A poem! A POEM!!

This is something that just hit me lol. I like it. =)

Optimist -finished at 1:22 A.M. February 8th. 

He holds his head higher than the rest of them 

headstrong, confident

since he has fully shed his volatile skin of conformity 

some refuse to understand

some label him regardless

he pays no mind

after all he is human 

tinged with insomnia, toiling with anxiety

willing to pick the lock in the back of his head for some answers

yet willing to let things stand where they are

and as optimists should be, their future is what they want to make it

envisioned as something glorious

yet people refuse to understand

slashing him with their words of doubt and uncertainty

spitting upon him nasty stone-melting words

as if forcing himself up through the ashes

he holds his head higher than the rest of them

because he knows his destiny is his and no one else’s

he is the optimist

he demands substance instead of weakness

something real in the void of fear

something tangible dipped in confidence

and as optimists should be, their future is what they want to make it

but you’d never know it. 

February so far.....

I never thought I would make it to 40 posts. I guess I'm too lazy just blessed to notice it now. Hope all is well in your world. I'm hanging in there. Honestly. I'm making moves I never thought I would make. I also feel like I'm in an interesting position of power right now. I feel like I can move through space at one thought. Actually, the other way around. I get so lost in my thoughts I often forget how to touch down into reality again. Babble? No, it's whatever you want it to be actually lol.


So I'm on FB one day and this random guy adds me. He's from New Britain and he thought he knew me. No wait, he asked me if I knew him and I said no lol. I tried to choose my words carefully, but apparently I'm stupid  my word choice wasn't good enough and he wants to chat with me tomorrow.....lmao. Too bad I haven't confirmed him as a friend yet.......LMFAO. Now who gets egg all over their face? ROTFL AKA Checkmate biotch.


So I say all that to say.......NOW u have to add me on FB to be cool with me......? I just thought it was so weird how he wanted to add me and be my friend and talk to me like I would be ok with it lol. PEOPLE ARE NUTS!!!!! Point blank period. So....we'll see tomorrow how I feel about that whole situation. For the moment (and it is SO ESSENTIAL to place yourself in the moment!!) the New Orleans Saints have won the Super Bowl for the first time!! CONGRATS && GEAUX SAINTS!!!! Kinda brings me back to some other firsts, like Venus' and Serena's first conquest of the U.S. Open lol....ok so that kinda fails in comparison? IDK....psyche!! Both were VERY important poignant in their individual sports. So there lol.


Ok so these thoughts are gonna be indirect : And about this whole phone situation with this guy.........words can't even express how much I regret giving you my phone number and you using it to waste my time!!!!! FUCK!!!! And other thing.....where the fuck have you been....? You just drop conversation with me altogether? Please believe once the first indirect thought is taken care of, you will come soon THEREAFTER. But you know what? I'm surprised I haven't completely dropped you like you dropped me.....hmm.......patience, time and energy all on the line huh? So sorry my focus can't be on such frivolous items....LMAOOOOOO


Ok back to the post lol. February has always been good to me. But Black History Month always comes and goes so I probably won't be inspired to write as much as I want to. But I'll dig deep. I'll do it. (nods) (smiles) :)


February couldn't be more interesting as the days go by like the pages in my planner lol. (shrugs) It's all part of life I guess. Lord let me just find the focus in my schoolwork and in the workplace. Lemme conclude with this. Ask and the door will be opened unto you is what Jesus says (or something like it....) but be wise enough not to open it if it is as suspicious as a bomb threat. Wait....like a guy dressed in black && with a black ski mask on. A...men. Thank you God. :)