Loved and Lost

Ok! Here's some stuff I gotta get off my chest. Here we.....go.


Love is, and forever will be, a powerful word only chosen for those who choose it. For me, it's been an interesting journey as I'm now battling between two personas........the perplexing mentality of a similar contradiction, and the dis-interesting rumor-bitten traveler-both deemed clandestine. Mind you, I used to have a thing for both, but now it's getting to the point where I want to move on and find someone new. But they're making it hard, of course. Let's start with the contradiction. The contradiction is between beliefs and actions, but it runs deeper than that. The physical doesn't match the mental-at all. Problematic. And, somewhere in there I became unhappy during the moment I was supposed to be at the pinnacle of love. I got refused. Huh? But now I realize I was too hasty in this. That's how this situation came to be. My own hastiness. I can feel the laughter of being had. I also feel myself glaring back at it. Now, onto the traveler. It's interesting to say the least. Comes and goes, tries to stay relevant, but can't due to the time and space created for other pursuits that should be the priority instead of how I've been every opportunity you speak to me..........but the reason for this hookup was purely physical. Every moment was created to make me think of the many possibilities this could go..........but the mental part concerns me. Now, people will always seem to be more than the rumors, but I heard something I wished I never heard. Blatant flamboyancy? Instant turn-off. 


I'll say this though. I know EXACTLY what I'm looking for now that experience has taken over as the teacher. You have to take care of yourself physically, emotionally, and intuitively. You have to love yourself before you can love me. You must devote your time and energy to try and appreciate what I have. You won't worry about me not doing the same. Just help me understand what it will take and a new goal will be created. Go ahead, put up Mount Everest lol. I'll grab an oxygen mask, some munchies and be on my way up. XD