What Do I Deserve?

-More thoughts :D :D lol


Life is the road untraveled
veiled in mystery yet beckoning every step forward
Life is progressive
yet thorny like the red rose out of concrete
forcing itself up from the ignorance of man
yes, life is the road untraveled
but it is also the road of experience
one grows tired of watching man grow, spew their grumbling hatred of their fellow man to others
then run and hide in cowardice against the burning sun of truth
one wonders........what do I deserve?
She looks at me like I've murdered her innocence
but she does not know me
all she sees is an empty shell only capable of violence
and she will tell her friends about me
I can only ask why but she says I already know why
leaving me wondering, "Is this what I deserve?"
They slap every stereotype across my face
predicting me, reading my cover but not flipping through my pages
they assume until their assumptions towers tip over
and no matter how many times I scream or try to calmly explain to THEM,
I am not what I seem 
they blatantly ignore me
Is this what I deserve?
Just what do I deserve?
All the answers? None of the answers? Partial credit on judgement? Do I deserve these scars of hatred across my arms, chest, legs, and mind? Do I deserve to speak against it? Against anything? 


And who am I not to? 

For Colored Girls.

What a very thought-provoking movie. But what I don't understand is why some people are saying that this movie is bashing black men. My first thought was that well, the movie simply isn't about black men at all. It's about the different colors in the original play that every woman has or should not have experienced, and where the women have gone from there. You can't speak for every man if you believe a good man exists, however few in number you want to believe is out there too. And what about Hill Harper's character? He didn't rape, kill, or leave a number of women disillusioned and forced to believe that this reality is their faults. So let's take the movie for what it is, not from the critics. Another part of me is saying that I wouldn't be surprised if someone walked away with an Academy Award either...Monique did it for portraying Mary Jones, and Halle before her....but I can't really fully believe that since Jennifer Hudson won for portraying Effie White. Take a closer look at what roles black actors and actresses are being awarded. Then ask yourself.....does Kimberly Elise get one? Loretta Devine? Anika Noni Rose? Thandie Newton? Ask yourself....what is the movie really about? Just some thoughts for you to ponder. 

-Ron

COLD WAR

Anticipation of Muse

I write in silence so I can hear my thoughts clear enough to record them into some kind of medium, be you Macbook or handcrafted from thought process to black or blue ink, whichever I grab first.


I need it in pen, might be lost on me in pencil....so I can scribble as far as my hand will go and my words will not be forgotten. Stabbing against injustice, I write in silence so I can echo my muse in hopes it will respond with good news and good views leading to nothing short of fortitude. 


Respond back quickly, muse. I need your guidance. I will not waver. You would tell me to remain hopeful. And so I await your return...as I write in silence so I can hear my thoughts....


-R.S.

SAW 3D

Enough said. =)

Purple Sky

This is for those young gentlemen who took their own lives due to bullying, being outed, etc.

This is to stand against indifference.

This is for peace and the eradication of ignorance.

And so, today, I'm wearing purple in their honor. I encourage you to do the same.

-Ronald S. 

Abstraction

I sit here thinking...what if I found the one person that made me happy? I'd be one happy motherfucker, wouldn't I? But unfortunately, there are no perfect people out there for me to search...everyone has an undercover fault or insecurity about them...I just feel like it's out there for me to discover, and I WILL find it...my lifelong journey is yearning to be fulfilled, my heart ready to be loved by someone deserving of it. And so I sit here thinking.... optimistically... I'm as still as the surface of water. I am patient. Not complacent. Eager, but not rash. I'm in pursuit...watch out. 

Oblivious

Some people are the epitome of obliviousness. And they can't be helped. I wonder about people like that...how can you live like that? Shaking my head won't fix a thing either. I just wish people would get the hint sometimes...damn......and then the same people want to ask questions later? Heh, good luck with that....


-Ronald S. 

I keep setting myself up for failure.

It's not easy being anyone other than yourself. And pretty soon it's gonna come out. So keep you legs crossed, you eyes focused on the blackboard, relax and ABSORB......

Repercussions

This song is stuck in my head! It's Repercussions by Lauryn Hill. Good shit. Nice to see Lauryn Hill still doing her thing, ya know? She's a talented well, everything! From producing to songwriting and performing, she's amazing-truly one of the best vocalists to grace a stage. But she acknowledges that fame wasn't what she wanted it to be....hopefully she has changed her way of thinking though. We can only hope for more music like this, I guess =) 

Few Late Night Thoughts....about the L word

Love. 
What does it mean? 
You think you know the definition......until it manifests into something completely different.
You swear your own two will be sufficient enough....until you stumble.
It's just one of those things you can't be coy about. 
Yet it's blatantly obvious as displayed by the media.
People throw it all around on the basis of following your heart.
People claim to know what it is......but they are clueless.
As am I.

I once thought I could fathom the opportunities of love and all it had to offer.....
but it turned out.....I was wobbly like a child's first steps
Embarrassingly enough, I fell on my face.
Worse than that, I left some feelings suspended in the air.....putting them on hold, hoping they would go away....but they didn't....and they won't. 
Contemplating and wading through them won't make them go away..... 
but there's something missing. 
The change. Me.
I'm no longer considering the same options anymore. 
Someone once told me life is to be enjoyed.........and I've embraced it.
I've gotten more options out of it. I've become better for it.
Now.....back to love.............

Now I have all the answers, right?
WRONG.
I wake up, I realize I'm here by the grace of God, I go about my day, and then it hits me.......this lingering problem....my personal dark cloud. It still exists, possibly manifesting into something I can't.....handle? 

Weakness............taboo. You don't EVER mention it.........

Now, the climax. I must face this thing called love head on. Feelings will be hurt, but the complacency still remains. Love, you've given me a big challenge. I need to push myself further....further into uncertainty....further into faith...further into the truth. 


So here's to loving with no limits. Love until it hurts. And hope to God you can handle it better than I can. 


Sincerely, R.S.

Not so bad.....

Ahhh Prose Moment!: Sometimes I feel I'm losing myself in my work and anticipating the oncoming stress of my life sooner than humanly possible. Is it because of my responsibility to the world? Is it because I can't go unchecked...or overlooked? It's better if I don't live and better if I can't love.....I'll wipe my tears away, I'll be ok, I'll stand strong and move on. Misery don't live here no more! But neither does my sanity. So now what? The world is closing in on me, and no one can help me. No one. Solitary confinement. 


(I like this. lol Facebook moment. Let's see how far I can "take this".....ehehe....


-Ronald S. 

Team Capricorn

So I've been reading some stuff about my sign (December 30 = Capricorn) and I noticed that I'm pretty much a Capricorn to the T. I just wanted to point out some things about it that apply to me :) 


1. The Capricorn man is motivated by his desire for success, money, status, and love (although love is usually last and least important on his list.) <--About love tho.........hmmm.....


2. The Capricorn man pursues his goals with a steady, unwavering determination. <--I try :) 


3. The Capricorn man is cautious in all he does. He won't start projects and adventures (when he has them) without thorough investigation and contemplation. He needs to have the security of knowing (or at least thinking) that his decisions will work out with the least risk to him. <--I mean, I don't obsess over it, I just make sure I'm content with the situation first.... :)


4. Security is the lifetime search for the Capricorn man; and he wants to find it in all aspects of his life. :) 


5. Capricorn is a loner sign and emotional relationships are a challenge for this man. He doesn't find it easy to place trust in another human being or share his feelings. Although Capricorn men appear cold on the outside, he really is a sensitive, loving person; he's just masked his feelings and emotions well for his own need for security. <---I did find it hard to trust people for a large portion of my life, but now it's a little bit easier to know who to trust and who not to trust. I'm surprised when I actually realize I have the capability to trust :) &&& I am one that will mask my intentions until...well....see #3 lol


Just wanna squeeze one more in there: If you want to impress a Capricorn man take it slowly and be ready for slow reactions from him; he'll have to contemplate everything before he makes his move. Once he's comfortable you'll discover a warm, sensitive, and compassionate man – it will be well worth the wait. CHEA. lol :) 

Yea buddy! #TeamCapricorn to the FULLEST! 


Hope this inspires you to get in touch with your sign :) lol

Loved and Lost

Ok! Here's some stuff I gotta get off my chest. Here we.....go.


Love is, and forever will be, a powerful word only chosen for those who choose it. For me, it's been an interesting journey as I'm now battling between two personas........the perplexing mentality of a similar contradiction, and the dis-interesting rumor-bitten traveler-both deemed clandestine. Mind you, I used to have a thing for both, but now it's getting to the point where I want to move on and find someone new. But they're making it hard, of course. Let's start with the contradiction. The contradiction is between beliefs and actions, but it runs deeper than that. The physical doesn't match the mental-at all. Problematic. And, somewhere in there I became unhappy during the moment I was supposed to be at the pinnacle of love. I got refused. Huh? But now I realize I was too hasty in this. That's how this situation came to be. My own hastiness. I can feel the laughter of being had. I also feel myself glaring back at it. Now, onto the traveler. It's interesting to say the least. Comes and goes, tries to stay relevant, but can't due to the time and space created for other pursuits that should be the priority instead of how I've been every opportunity you speak to me..........but the reason for this hookup was purely physical. Every moment was created to make me think of the many possibilities this could go..........but the mental part concerns me. Now, people will always seem to be more than the rumors, but I heard something I wished I never heard. Blatant flamboyancy? Instant turn-off. 


I'll say this though. I know EXACTLY what I'm looking for now that experience has taken over as the teacher. You have to take care of yourself physically, emotionally, and intuitively. You have to love yourself before you can love me. You must devote your time and energy to try and appreciate what I have. You won't worry about me not doing the same. Just help me understand what it will take and a new goal will be created. Go ahead, put up Mount Everest lol. I'll grab an oxygen mask, some munchies and be on my way up. XD 

Music Stop

  Ok here's some music (albums and songs) I'm currently listening to and vibing off of =)

 

 

                       

1. The ArchAndroid - Janelle Monáe Ok first of all....I love Janelle Monáe! From start to finish, I thoroughly enjoy her musical insight and seemingly ingenious melodies. This is definitely one of those play from Track 1 to Track 17 CDs! lol. But all jokes aside, Diddy may be onto something...like the antidote of the Diddy curse. But only time will tell. The first 7 tracks or so give an easy listening session into the world of Metropolis where dreams need to be followed and lovers are within your reach. The other 11 songs tap deep into musical emotion not soon to be forgotten. Don't forget to express yourself and dance your ass off. Janelle loves the music she's created and so have I =)

2. B.o.B-B.o.B Presents: The Adventures of Bobby Ray Bobby Ray, a cool guy from Atlanta creates a pretty darn good rap album in a medium where rap is questioned. But one thing is clear-Bobby Ray solidifies himself as what's next. Like a second coming, him and a whole bunch of talented, No Souljah Boy bullshit rappers are starting to step up and show us what rap is all about. And I welcome them. The fight for anarchy will be a hard one, but B.o.B's lifelong mileage seems to be on par with what the game's been missing. 

3. Sade-Soldier of Love Speaking of resurgence of a certain genre, the entity known as Sade emerges with her timeless balladry to once again grace our hearts and make us think about the pleasures and difficulties of life. Redefining soul with her powerful medium and longtime enduring band, she simply cannot go unmissed, overlooked or tossed aside. She proves that productivity simply cannot define a career of lifelong music.

4. Erykah Badu-New Amerykah Part Two: Return of the Ankh She returns like an old griot climbing up a waterfall by herself. Ok that was bad. She redefines soul as only she can in a mission to eradicate "Groupthink". And she only needs the bare essentials as she strips down to perfection to portray her message. And with no regrets, she takes her music and exemplifies her model of womanhood and melodies sent from above. Seemingly heading up the definition soul, old fans and new ones alike should like her new work.

5. Alicia Keys-Un-Thinkable (I'm Ready) I really can't even stress enough how much I love this song! It's just one of those songs that you can listen to repeatedly and just be in tune with! And the video Alicia has paired with this song really shows the message that love knows no bounds-at all-point blank period. The Element of Freedom overall shows Alicia's natural ability to capture internal strength within the notes of a piano and portray her version of love and hope for the future.

6. La Roux-Bulletproof Ah, the British wave of electropop music has crossed over onto my television where I first saw this video lol onto my iPod! I love La Roux-she gives me life in a whole new way that my brain couldn't even fathom lol =) I guess that's what happens when you let yourself become open to different types of music! Bulletproof is my official walking song. Whenever I'm walking, this song is playing non-stop. True talk. So take a listen and let her tell you not to be swayed by futile emotions. 

Ok! That about does it for now. Take a listen to some of this music. Feed your brain. These have been approved by Ron. =) 

Eye Catchers - Ed Hardy

So my attention is stuck on Ed Hardy and his designs! They are attractive and expensive AS HELL!!! Even the sales aren't even.....well...sales. At least not to me :(


I still think that the dude is making money regardless though if you're able to sell your stuff at a high price like that. So more power to you sir. 


Maybe one day when I suddenly become ballin' out of control I'll buy a shirt. Just to say, HA. I got one. LMAO =) 

In the meantime, I can only gaze from afar. So here are some designs I found and sorta liked. 

 

Like I said, maybe one day I'll own some nice threads. Guess this is a lesson.....appreciate what you do have, while not restricting yourself to all life has to offer. 

 I saw this shirt earlier, but I can't find it now. Aw crap. #FAIL lol. 

Alright, I'm done. Hope u enjoyed the select designs. If you buy one (or something from this vast collection), let me know if they're at least comfortable to wear :P

I Better Find Yo Lovin'......

Self-explanatory, right? Not exactly....especially after watching this video. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xyv4Bjja8yc


Interesting.

Worth Saving

Ok. Peep this out. 


They left me for dead around a quarter to three
with the blazing sun magnified on me
My hands and feet were bleeding raw
Your face was the last one I saw.


I shut my eyes and the pain ran deep
through bone and flesh after my soul to keep
my soul said no there's so much left to do
still so much to see him through.


Those around me doubted my survival
leading them to painful tears
they cried and cried so loudly for me
as they each confirmed their fears


Of being lost to the deepest darkness
forever and a day 
and sinful demons dragged me there
beckoning me to stay


But my soul said no it wasn't time
for me to be utterly consumed
so I cracked my eyes open into the light
and my unlucky life resumed.........

Weakness of the Flesh

The date: April 29th. The mood: peaceful. The Macbook: always poised and ready for the next thrill err..the next thought

I want to talk about being [FAITHFUL] right now. 

Somehow, people have forgotten the definition of being faithful. 

However, it's not like the definition has changed.

I don't really understand it. Why can't being faithful trend? Is it too much to ask for? As if falling in love is/was easy.....

I just think that people should be more faithful. However, there are liars among thieves and hardly anyone can be considered noble. With that said, I think one of the most selfless things you can do in a relationship is (gasp) STAY FAITHFUL!!

So why aren't people being faithful? There's only one real answer. People give into the weakness of the flesh. All the time. That's not a new concept either. People are lured into the illusion of their own self-righteousness. But how can this be changed?

It starts with us. We must change. We must advocate change. Since people want to act like whatever. SMH. Anyway, change must come into play. So let's not say we're being faithful. Let's actually BE faithful. :D 

After all, you'll keep your relationships healthy and wholehearted (hopefully lol :P) 

Tussle

Just a few thoughts. 

I CAN'T stand feeling like this.


I want to look you in the face and tell you how it's REALLY going down.


But I'm a ghost to you. You refuse to see what's in front of you. 


And then, part of me says I REFUSE to give myself up to someone like you. Too this and that and imperfect. 


So I ask myself if I REALLY want this.....and automatically the answer is no. 


Looking back on this, I'll laugh it off, maybe hate myself a little less. Oh, Ron, you were SO ready to jump in headfirst, but now you realize your ass MAYBE would've been better using the stairs to enter the cold water......


I guess I'm lucky to realize this now....with nothing on the line. 


I'm just.........in transition right now. The questions are piling up. And I have no answers. So I progress further into the future. Yeah. That's all I can do.


Guess this is my prose moment...lol

Day of Silence

Today, April 16th, is the Day of Silence. As the website says, hundreds of thousands of students nationwide take a vow of silence to bring attention to anti-LGBT name-calling, bullying and harassment in their schools. 

I did this senior year, and it wasn't easy but it was for a good cause, considering the way I've seen LGBT people treated over the years. Even though I didn't do it this year, I am STILL in FULL support for this cause. As if being a black man in America isn't hard enough.


When I was in high school, I was called gay a lot. And I still am. So just from experience I would support a cause like this. Luckily, I wasn't bullied to a pulp. However, there are kids & teenagers that are afraid to go to schools because they are persecuted for being gay. Such a travesty considering that kids go to school to learn and NOT for seldom anything else......


It sucks when people feel they can't be themselves, you know? Everyone on earth is entitled to the pursuit of life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness, right? And when that pursuit of happiness is taken away, what is the end result? 


What happens when unalienable rights are brought back "down to earth", so to speak? 


Today, the Day of Silence acknowledges those who have been persecuted for being gay, being a lesbian, bisexual and transgendered, or simply LGBT. So people take a vow of silence for 24 hours. If you know someone who has been persecuted, then why not? And it's not just LGBT either as it says on the website....does Carl Walker-Hoover ring a bell? He took his life from being bullied. Why are people so obsessed with identifying others? To me, homophobia is sickening. It's an expression of spreading HATE. NOTHING MORE. The thing is, people are STUPID and don't realize the consequences of their actions until afterwards.


So, I'll close by saying this. Unalienable rights-intact. Stupidity-exiled, but people refuse to learn from their mistakes. Silence-golden. =) 


-Ron says let's live and leave hatred alone. 

Bucket Lists

So I'm on Facebook tonight and I see that one of my friends have a pretty good bucket list. [#nowplaying You Bring Me Joy - Anita Baker]


Do we take these things seriously on the pursuit of LIFE! and happiness?


I think it's personally important to create one of these things. =) I mean, why not, right? You're entitled to dream, so why not dream as big as you can?? [flips through songs]


I've made a draft lol since people really struggle with creating one...and they're right-this is hard lol [#nowplaying That's How Strong My Love Is - Alicia Keys]  Some of my items on this list include a lot of traveling-Venice, Barcelona, and Lima, Peru to name a few. What better way to fulfill existence than through travel? I love traveling though I dread long flights and conserving iPod battery power lol


I know some other things I would like to accomplish...but they haven't been added to the list. And that's ok-you know why? Because sometimes accomplishing things will come sooner than you realize. You realize your capabilities and your situation just isn't that bad after all. At least the short-term goals, right? 


[#nowplaying Unthinkable (I'm Ready) - Alicia Keys] So, I guess I say all of this to say that dreams are within anyone's reach. YES. 


So go ahead. Make the biggest one you can. And promise yourself you'll accomplish all of them. Now GO. Do it. 


-Ron

Sleepy Thoughts I

"The capability of humans never cease to amaze me. After all, I am one of them. So wouldn't that mean I am amazing?" -R.S.

Really though....who counts sheep? Sleep Thoughts I

Having a relationship is overrated. Being single is overrated. There's no middle point to me. People (and family embarrassingly enough) PRESS me to be in a relationship with a lady, but I can't say yes when my heart is timidly searching for sustenance-sustenance in the form of stability, in the form of  It's hungry, yes, and someone will end up devoured, for it does not want to stop. My heart knows what it wants too, and it hasn't met it yet. FYI, I'm perfectly content with my single-ness. After all, I'm been standing on my own two feet for a while now. Now, I have a legitimate reason for this too...not like I really need one but whatever lol. My reason is that I've been working at my current job..well here's a truck lol for about 5 months now.....and I don't feel like spending my hard-earned money on a girl about to leave me a few months later.....so that means I'm not looking for now (as hard as that may be to believe) but I'm looking for later. And seemingly contrary to popular belief (and people really care about sexual orientation nowadays.....SMH) I love women =) I just am not seeking a relationship at the moment. Yeah, shit happens and I might have slipped somewhere down the line....I'm human and more than willing to admit my mistakes when I've made them. These thoughts of mine.....are hopefully temporary since I don't want to be alone all my life lol. But I'll end like this-wherever life takes you, love like you've never been hurt. Make sure this life is unforgettable, since you only got one! If you find love, I hope that orgasm is OUTRAGEOUS. Ok I'm gonna try and find some sleep now lol. 

In The Current Tennis World.....

Well now, the big one in Miami is currently underway without Serena Williams :( However, we still have a good looking veteran by the name of Venus Williams.

Ron think she looks great in her own designed stuff =) 

     It's hard not to think of Venus while they're in their hometown event. They just seem to play their best here at Miami. Hope Venus wins it! She's already through to the third round where she'll face Roberta Vinci, who I know nothing about lol. Just wanted to mention this...nothing too shocking... =) 

What we should be reading vs. What people are actually reading....

I'm probably contradicting with this idea I have about what we should read versus what we are actually reading. At my disposal are two sites: blackamericaweb.com and mediatakeout.com. If you are familiar with both, then you should already be aware of what you should be reading instead of what you may actually be reading. So today I'm gonna take a random article from both sites. From blackamericaweb, there is currently an article about people ranting about (I mean against..) Obama, entitled Think Before You Rant. Here it is if you want to take a look.

Obama seems to be under a lot of scrutiny when it comes to his Republican opponents. Actually, he IS.......but they seem to underestimate the brilliant mind of Obama. To sum up the article, Republican voices are heard and countered with valid facts from different points in history, from WWII to the signing of the Constitution. On mediatakeout, there's an article about a woman "who puts her cheating baby's father on blast,"putting the results of a paternity test on his Facebook wall. Ain't that some mess. But anyway, Here's that article. 

Well, first of all, SMH at Repubs and ghetto black people. Where's the class? Are you devoid of class? 
Now, to the point-if you even show the slightest concern about the way things are around you, then you should be reading blackamericaweb at every instance you get, black people. You know what, EVERYONE should read it and be open to a different way of thinking. It's basically the President of the United States vs. some random black couple......not to say the cheater didn't deserve what was coming to him.....and Obama takes that hater's fuel and just uses it in ways I don't even understand lol. 


So, in conclusion.....people should be reading BlackAmericaWeb especially if you're a person of color instead of Media Takeout. Time to read what's important compared to trivial shit. You're gonna wish you read when all of a sudden prices go up on everything. Media Takeout isn't gonna tell you how it's hitting your hood. 


Or maybe you want to read both. But which one are you really gonna benefit from? Food for thought.

Solitude II

In my solitude, the most vivid imagination has no choice but to force itself into a charismatic overload. 

Life makes me wander past oblivion, where the dew is still fresh with optimism.....

It gets dark and the weight of my sins get heavy, but with repentance the load gets lighter...I still believe it will and it does......

It's not everyday I get the chance to reflect on my life...its present course....the friends I've made along the way......the lovers I've let go....the lovers who currently want me....and of course love itself.......

My memories aren't exactly concrete and 100% accurate, but at least more of them are in the process of being made......

On a side note.....let me just say this....and you know who you are too....I don't love you....I don't exactly love as other people do....that's something you'd have to discover on your own........you couldn't even hold my interest! I grew so bored with you! And now you still want to talk, but there's nothing to talk about. I hate people who can't take the hint lol.

In my solitude, I become greater than I could ever say or act upon. It's not about being around people. Sometimes it's about being alone to reveal your character-what you are when no one's watching. 

Pet Peeves?

There is no perfection in a human soul. This is gonna be a few turn-offs. Yeah.


1-No respect for me. I mean, what did I do so horribly wrong to make you hate me? I'm a nice guy....let's leave it like that. If you have no respect for me, how can we even speak? SMH


2-Backtalk-which really means you're fake and insecure about the way you handle your own business. Don't talk about me.....honestly, there's not much to say about me. Your "truth" doesn't scare me, ESPECIALLY if it's a lie. I'm not one to be gossiped about. Thanks.


3-Clinginess to me! Ughhhh keep your hands to yourself! DON'T grab onto me...FUCK! lowkey...I HATE THAT.....I have NO CLUE where your hands have been! Keep 'em off me. Thanks.


In the store of my employment 4-throwing things on the counter. It's NOT my fault if your shit gets damaged.....SMH...u know what tho? Don't throw shit at me. Thanks. 


5-You're on the phone....and I'm trying to scan your items.....NO!!!! (lol)


6-You leave a cart/basket in the wrong place and I politely tell you the right place to put it. Don't backtalk BIOTCH. Put it in the right spot. Move on with your day. Thanks.


7-Don't get mad when I ask for that credit card trick!! lol (now I'm having fun with these, can't u tell?) No signature, I'ma need to see some identification. Ha. So get it out. Better yet, have it ready. 


8-Don't ask stupid questions or try to have a full-blown conversation with me, asking me my age and shit. 1) I'm old enough to work here... 2) I really don't care for your pets 3) Yeah I'll double bag your heavy bags for you......yeah.


Of course there are more, but that's all I care to share at the moment lol. I'm trying not to let them affect me as much, but people test me constantly.......whatever. At the end of the day, I keep my job. Yay. 

Ron the Tactician

Today is Monday. I feel positive that this week will be a great one. Mondays are never easy, but they prepare you for the rest of the week, I think. With that said, I would like to maybe hint at the meaning of this title. Me, the tactician. =) I feel as though my mindset allows me to think critically in situations that would render others impatient or frivolous. Are you thinking clearly about your situation? Of course, there is always the possibility of the lingering mistake, but do your thoughts actually have substance? Do they make sense? I've always been careful because my thoughts will become actions, actions; habits and habits; character. My thought of the day is this. Think your way out of everything. Your mind is a great asset to your life if you use it properly! That's what I think anyway :)

March I - Current Disasters called Life

WHAT UP! I'm doing ok I guess. I shouldn't really be typing on here....instead I should be studying....like right now =/ lol

The story of my life seems to be inevitable disaster via procrastination. I just don't feel like doing anythingggggggggg....except have my 16G on shuffle for a few hours with the battery not running out :)

I'm doing ok in school too...but I really need to turn it up. If I do well on these two tests, I'll pat myself on the back and then go splurge...I need a new phone DAMMIT!

I'm not even gonna go into detail about my phone situation......FUCKKKKK the trifling ass female who stole it.....but I'm over it...and over her.

So I'm getting a MyTouch :D yayyyyy :D and a bite to eat. Cheah. Peace out for now. I'll be back with something more philosophical and brain-teasing. I promise.

Grudges

A grudge, by definition, is a feeling of ill will or resentment. I wonder if I still carry this grudge. There is a guy named Courtney (go figure....a guy named Courtney...(insert chortle) lol) who I didn't like in friggin middle school. I wonder if I still carry a grudge with him. I remember he tripped me in the hallway....carrying a whole bunch of books in my hand, but I ain't fall :) Then there was this one time he pointed me out at the lunch table...and I completely DEADED him!!!! HAAAAAA. But the interesting part was when we had photography together for one semester and we worked together (side.....eye..... ) ....and yeah that's basically all I remember. But now he's long gone from my middle school...probably in college like I am. I've grown the fuck up so technically...so has he. At least that's what I'd like to believe....
but yeah with time I have forgotten his existence lol. Until I remembered him now of course....I'm not hating on him, but....I don't like him. Let THAT ride out.......

Solitude I

It's always quiet whenever I blog. It gives me peace of mind when my present is askew with decisions to make and thoughts to ravage the brain. It's almost as my thoughts wait till the last minute to want to talk with me. And these thoughts don't exactly give me the piece of mind I need to actually fall asleep. (sigh) ok. Just breathe. Things could be worse. Thank God for current stability. I'm SO glad I get to rest tomorrow...most people just don't have that luxury. It's one they should try out and never regret. Anyway, the title says Solitude so I guess I have the obligation to mention it. I love my solitude. I never get tired of being alone. I guess it's because I'm not a bonafide people person. I always find new and innovative ways to stand out from the crowd. And no, nobody pushes me to be that way. I JUST AM......and I love it! Solitude.

A poem! A poem! A POEM!!

This is something that just hit me lol. I like it. =)

Optimist -finished at 1:22 A.M. February 8th. 

He holds his head higher than the rest of them 

headstrong, confident

since he has fully shed his volatile skin of conformity 

some refuse to understand

some label him regardless

he pays no mind

after all he is human 

tinged with insomnia, toiling with anxiety

willing to pick the lock in the back of his head for some answers

yet willing to let things stand where they are

and as optimists should be, their future is what they want to make it

envisioned as something glorious

yet people refuse to understand

slashing him with their words of doubt and uncertainty

spitting upon him nasty stone-melting words

as if forcing himself up through the ashes

he holds his head higher than the rest of them

because he knows his destiny is his and no one else’s

he is the optimist

he demands substance instead of weakness

something real in the void of fear

something tangible dipped in confidence

and as optimists should be, their future is what they want to make it

but you’d never know it.